If you’re a Christian looking for love, you’ve probably tried online dating or thought about doing it.
Though there are countless success stories from people who have found loving partners through online dating, many of us make mistakes when it comes to using the right sites, remaining safe, and finding a partner that aligns with our values.
But more importantly, it is how we think about the whole online dating scene.
Here are the top 15 mistakes I often see Christians making when they are trying to find a partner online.
1. Using Free Dating Sites
This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make when it comes to online dating.
Not because free dating sites can’t work, but because everyone joins them and most people aren’t serious about it and could even lie and deceit you, which happens a lot online.
It can be tempting to save money by using free Christian dating sites, but these sites tend not to be secure, reputable, or created with your safety in mind.
When you use paid dating sites like eHarmony which specializes in connecting Christian singles together, you can rest assured that they will have taken measures to protect your information and keep you safe while interacting with serious and trusted potential matches.
But the biggest benefit you get from using a paid dating site is that you’re getting people who are seriously looking for relationships and marriages, which is what you want as well.
2. Only Using Dedicated Christian Sites
While dedicated Christian dating sites offer an excellent option for meeting like-minded singles, this isn’t the only way to meet someone special online.
Consider expanding your search outside of religion-specific websites and try general dating sites as well.
After all, many non-Christians may still share similar values and beliefs as you do, so don’t discount them outright!
But, more importantly, there are great dating sites out there, like eHarmony, which offers a very high success rate for finding people who share your faith.
And it’s worth mentioning that even if you use a non-Christian site, they will often have questions and even filters that will allow you to narrow down your search to find someone who aligns with your values.
3. Dating Only Within Your Denomination
There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner who shares your faith tradition and understands your perspective on certain issues, but it would be a mistake to limit yourself only to those within your own denomination.
There is much more in common between Protestant denominations than there are differences!
So don’t be afraid to widen your search parameters beyond just one denomination if that helps open up more options for potential matches.
4. Not Creating an Awesome Profile
With any type of online dating site, creating an awesome profile is key if you want to attract lots of high-quality matches quickly.
Years after meeting my wife online, I asked her what made her say hi to me, and she said it was because of my pictures.
Having pictures is a no-brainer.
Don’t forget also adding some recent photos taken within the last year or two – this help gives people an accurate idea of what you look like today instead of five years ago!
Also, invest time into writing a great bio that accurately reflects who you are as well as what kind of relationship you’re looking for (Long term marriage?).
5. Not Taking Time For Self-Reflection
Before jumping into the world of online dating, take the time to reflect on what kind of partner you’re looking for and what qualities you want in a relationship.
This will help you avoid wasting your time on someone who isn’t right for you.
6. Not Being Open-Minded
It can be easy to get stuck in our own little bubble of what we think we want in a partner, but being open-minded is key when it comes to online dating.
You never know who could surprise you and end up being the perfect match for you!
Don’t limit yourself because of preconceived notions about who or what type of person would be best for you; keep an open mind and explore all your options.
7. Not Communicating Clearly
It’s important to communicate clearly with potential partners when online dating; this way, they know exactly what you’re looking for and whether they meet those criteria or not before they invest any time or energy into getting to know each other better.
Be honest and upfront about expectations, so there are no misunderstandings further down the line.
8. Not Setting Boundaries
Before getting into any kind of relationship, it’s good practice to set boundaries and make sure both parties agree on them from the outset.
This way, neither person gets hurt further down the line by assuming something that wasn’t agreed upon earlier on in the relationship.
It also helps create a healthy foundation of mutual respect between both parties, which is essential for any sort of successful partnership or marriage later down the line.
And while you’re online, set expectations for when you will be communicating with each other.
Establishing these rules will help make sure both of you are on the same page.
9. Not Being Honest About Your Intentions
One of the other big mistake Christians makes while online dating is not being honest about their intentions.
Some people create profiles with the intention of finding a long-term relationship, while others are only looking for something casual.
It’s important, to be honest about what you’re looking for so that you can attract the right type of person.
10. Not Being Honest About Your Faith
Some people may be hesitant to share their faith with others, but it’s important to be upfront about it if you’re looking for a partner who shares your beliefs.
I think a possible reason why some people do this is that they’re afraid they will be judged or turned away if they mention it.
However, that’s not the case – being upfront about your faith can help you find a match faster.
It’s also important to remember that there are different levels of faith, and not everyone has to have the same beliefs exactly as you.
11. Not Taking the Time to Get to Know Someone
It’s important to exchange messages and get to know someone before you meet them in person; otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Never give out the address where you live, or send anyone money and be absolutely sure that your relationship is heading in a serious direction before even considering meeting them in person or giving out your cellphone number.
12. Meeting in Person Too Soon
Meeting in person too soon is another mistake Christians make while online dating.
While it’s great to meet someone in person as soon as possible, it’s important to make sure that you’re both ready and comfortable with meeting in person before taking that step, and when you do decide to meet, make sure it is somewhere open with many other people around.
13. Focusing on Physical Attraction
While physical attraction is important, it should not be the only thing you focus on when online dating.
Instead, try to focus on finding someone who shares your interests and values so that you can have a more meaningful relationship.
Ofcourse, being attracted to someone is a great thing, but don’t turn away from a conversation with others just because you don’t find them attractive immediately.
14. Being Picky
Being too picky is another mistake Christians make while online dating.
It’s important to find someone who meets what you’re looking for, but it’s also important to remember that no one is perfect and that everyone has flaws.
If you’re too picky, you may miss out on finding a great match.
15. Accepting Too Many Excuse From Someone, You’re Matched With
After you have been matched and reached out to someone or after they’ve reached out to you, things can get a bit tricky.
Particularly if you have been talking for a while and feel confident about calling them on the phone, doing a video call, or being friends on social media, but you hear excuses like ‘I’m not ready for that yet’ or ‘I’m too busy right now,’ or ‘My phone camera is not working.’
It can be hard to know how you should proceed from here, and what you do will depend on your situation.
It’s also ok to hold off on agreeing to a video call or meeting someone in person until you both feel comfortable.
But if this keeps happening and the other person is always making excuses not to connect, it may be time to move on.
Online Dating Sites Can Work For Christians
As a Christian, finding the perfect partner to share your life with can be a challenging process.
With so many different dating sites out there, it can be hard to know where to start.
While using dedicated Christian dating sites can help narrow down your options, it’s important to remember that online dating comes with its own set of pitfalls that can lead you away from finding true love.
Online dating offers an exciting opportunity for Christians looking for love — but it can also be riddled with pitfalls if we don’t approach our search strategically and safely.
By being aware of and avoiding some of the mistakes mentioned above, you can maximize your chances of finding a great match.
Be careful, be safe, use reputable dating sites, and use common sense.